Literal wastes of life, talent, youth, and privilege.
Could've-beens, not ne'er-do-wells (well, some).
Addicts and depressives, all suicides.
White sons of Park Slope yuppies passing a crackpipe in 2013,
with bags of heroin and coke on the table.
The bar is set six feet under the cold clay:
"at least we're still here, bro" is supposed to be some kind of victory.
Every day the same as the last,
the only change being the ever-deepening lines in their foreheads.
Parting with prized possessions for paltry sums.
Stealing from employer, colleagues, friends, and family.
He killed one of his junkie confederates as a hookup:
“I warned him not to drink that night, it was four packets.”
But instead of setting himself on a course of
self-reflection and seizing the resolve to overcome,
in this wake death appeared to him as
hope of sweet release and better-than-this.
Survivor guilt: the living dead envy the dead.
PLVS VLTRA was the only way to honor his fallen comrades,
steaming ever farther to the part of the map labelled
HIC SVNT DRACONES, because, after all, that's the point.
Finally shipwrecked, his salvation was cold, retributive justice.
Addict once and now an addict for life,
his one solace is that his drug of choice wasn't alcohol
because you can at least avoid smackheads.
Some are bankers and architects,
some are addicts and thieves,
some are bucking capitalism seeking meaning and god,
and some are dead.
And I'm dead too, though,
just not my body.
Not yet.
[The subject is really time, not heroin; the ravages of aging, how everyone just settles into their own kind of sadness, accepts that all the promise of early life is gone and this is what you're left with, and how different settling into that sadness can be for people who grew up together: a banker, a junkie, etc.]